I just crawled out of an epic meltdown starring my 7 month old monster – I mean, baby. Now he’s on my boob, the proverbial white flag, also the solution to all problems. Now the dust is settling.
Rewind a few moments back. I just finished preparing his lunch and was about to put him in his high chair but he displayed some discomfort. I sniffed his bum. He made a poop, and as all good mums do proceeded to change his nappy.
As I unfastened his nappy in his makeshift change table, he decided to move about, which irritated me because he just made a massive dump that would literally be all over our bedroom if I didn’t act fast enough.
I wrestled with him while wiping his bum, applying a bum balm, getting his new nappy in and putting his limbs back in the appropriate sockets of his bodysuit. All the while I was thinking, this is too hard Lord, and this is just a slice of the daily nuances of being a mother.
He was also getting frustrated with me because he wanted to explore the contents of his nappy change trolley and I had to take away the spray bottle of alcohol that he was about to put in his mouth. I think this was what triggered the full blown wail.
I left him in his cot because I had to make a wee, while he exercised his lungs by crying even louder. I l picked him up to distract him.
I placed him in his play pen. More wailing.
I placed him in his high chair. More wailing.
I turned the tv on to play his favourite show. More wailing.
I found myself switching the lyrics of his favourite nursery rhymes to swear words and dropping the f-bomb here and there. Even more wailing.
I went to the spare room and we both sat down, and offered him a few toys. This seemed to work and we both sat down in silence.
I came before the throne of grace while cradling my baby, telling God exactly how I felt at that moment. This motherhood gig is so much harder than what I’d anticipated. Good on those other mums who seem to have everything under control all the time. I sure am not one of them.
I bared my selfishness, impatience and burst of anger before the Lord and asked for forgiveness, more grace and patience.
I enjoy those cuddly moments when my bub is all smiley. I adore his determined face when he is learning something new. I love my baby more than life, that is a given. But I don’t like him all the time, especially when he is cranky and pushing my patience to the limit. Or when he makes a lot of mess when eating, or plainly just having clutter in the house.
It’s a humbling experience knowing that I am so desperate before God just to BE a good mother. It’s hard. And that’s an understatement.
However, putting things into perspective, this episode is just a tiny thread in this tapestry of life. This too shall pass, and maybe I’ll wish these days back for when he gives me a much bigger headache as he grows older. Haha.
Anyway, here is a fitting verse that encouraged me to press forward:
“being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6