I’ve always been a worrywart ever since I could remember.
When I was a kid, my greatest fear was being an orphan. I was so scared of losing my parents. I worry when the clock strikes 5 and they’re not home yet. The worst nights were when Papa had to attend those Rotary Club meetings and would only be home by 9pm, or when Mama had to go to her aerobics class. There was a time when she went back to uni to study law, so after being away the whole day in the office, we still would not see her until much later in the night. I remember heaving a sigh of relief in bed when I hear the creaking of our rusty gate, and the purring of a car engine as it enters our lot.
Yay, my parents are here! They’ve arrived safely.
The stream of morbid thoughts doesn’t end there though. When we’re all together in the house, I would get up and inspect our house to check that every door is locked so that there’s no chance of any intruder to break in. It would horrify me to find an unlocked door and it was me who’d have to lock it. If I hadn’t done my rounds, we would all be sleeping with a door left unlocked, and the thieves would have an easy way in – how dreadful that is!
So I lock the door and go back to bed. But then my mind would start whirring about the news earlier about a family getting massacred in their own house by intruders who’ve used brute force to enter. Good thing my parents and grandmother taught me how to pray at a young age, so I prayed hard for these things not to transpire or for some comfort.
Now that I am a wife and a mum, my greatest fear is being a widow or losing my child. There is nothing more paralyzing than those thoughts. Sometimes I even pray that God would take me home first so that I would not have to deal with that kind of loss. I don’t fear death for myself. I’ll close my eyes and the next second when I open them, I’ll see the face of Jesus and there’ll be everlasting joy in His presence. But I wouldn’t want to be left on earth while the ones dearest to me have gone ahead.
But then again, if I truly put my faith and hope in Jesus, it shouldn’t destroy me should my greatest fears materialize. This passage in 2 Corinthians 4:7-13 is really encouraging:
Treasure in Jars of Clay
7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. 8 We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; 9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; 10 always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. 11 For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. 12 So death is at work in us, but life in you.
That’s it for this morning, my little bubba is up 🙂